The Prank That Never Ends
by Cereal-Rapist-Spencer
Summary: The Twins get their hands on one of the most evil songs ever and Ratchet suffers.
1. The Prank

"Hey Izzy. C'mere I got an Idea."

Izzy: You? An idea? Suddenly I'm very scared."

"(Mumbles in a low voice) What ya think?"

"I think I'm putting in my MP3 player and NEVER reading this story."

Disclaimer: Not Mine. Don't Sue.

Warning: This is a crackfic, and apparently a bad one cause Iz's wouldn't even stay in the room while I wrote it for fear she might accidentally lay eyes on it, but hey I'm the author, it amuses me and who knows someone else out there might be amused too.

Two Lamborghini's, one red one yellow, sat impatiently in the crowed parking lot waiting for their connection.

"Can't he ever think of a better place for us to meet?" Sunstreaker groused.

"Sunny do you ever stop complaining?"

"Go frag yourself Sides. You're not the one who got hit with one of those slagging carts last time."

"Mute it Sunshine. Here he comes." Sideswipe said as he lowered his window a tiny bit.

Their "connection" seemed to be wandering aimlessly around the parking lot. Most people would assume he was some idiot who had forgotten where he parked his car. He slowly made his way to the row that held the two Lamborghinis. When he walked between them he stumbled grabbing the red one to steady himself before moving on. Anyone who saw would have thought he was just some poor clumsy kid who couldn't find his car. No one could have noticed that the "grab" was actually to cover the act of slipping the UBS through the crack in the window, and that's the way he wanted it. If it was ever discovered he was helping those two with their schemes he knew nothing, not even his big yellow guardian, would be able to save his ass.

Once the boy was a safe distance from them the two Lamborghinis rumbled to life and exited the parking lot.

"So?" Sunstreaker demanded. "What did he get for us this time?"

"Will you give me time to at least scan the USB drive before you start askin questions?"

"Primus how long can it take for you to scan that little thing?"

"Hey Sunny." Sideswipe chuckled. "I think we're gonna have fun with this one." He quickly copied the file and sent it to his brother.

"Oh yeah." Sunstreaker said after a moment. "This has The Hatchet's name all over it." 

"Predictions?"

"I predict Ratchet will go in to melt down before the end of the day. I'm also gonna say he'll probably try to deactivate our vocalizes."

"I'm with you on the deactivating the vocalizes, and I already have a contingency plan ready, but the Doc's tough you gotta give him at least two days." Sideswipe said as he transferred a data stream detailing his plan to Sunstreaker.

"Sides I think you may be evil." Sunstreaker commented after he read the data stream.

"Yes." Sideswipe said smugly. "Yes I am."

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It had taken a little over a day to get everything prepared, and now they were ready, time for execution.

"Hey Raaatchet." Sideswipe singsonged as they entered the med bay.

"Get out." The medic said without looking up.

"Awww." Sunstreaker whined. "But Ratchet, Sides and I found this really cool song and we thought you would like it."

"No" Still not looking up. "Get out."

"See Sunny." Sideswipe grumbled. "I told ya he'd act like this. The one time we're actually in here to try to bring a little cheer to his cranky old aft and he won't even look at us."

Ratchet slowly put down his Data pad and turned to glare at the Twins.

"What do you two want?"

Refusing to be intimidated the Twins walked over to stand in front of Ratchet.

"We found a song and we want to sing it for you." Sideswipe said grinning.

"No" Ratchet said as he reached for his discarded data pad.

"How about we make a deal?" Sunstreaker said. "You let us sing the whole song once and we'll stay out of the Med Bay for six months.

It was an offer Ratchet couldn't refuse.

"All right" He nodded. How bad could this possibly be?

He should have known better. The moment those two looked at each other and grinned he should have known. That grin was full of pure pit spawned evil.

'This is the song that never ends.'

'Yes it goes on and on my friend.'

'Some people started singing it not knowing what it was,'

'Now we'll go on singing it forever just because…..'

'_That's it?'_ Ratchet thought. _'That wasn't any where near as bad as…'_

'This is the song that never ends.'

"Wait just a minute." Ratchet said holding up his hand. "I thought you said once?"

'Now we'll go on singing it forever just because…..'

That's how it started. For three days, no matter where Ratchet went or what he did they were right beside him singing that infernal song. It was the last thing he heard before he recharged and the first thing he heard when he came online. For three days he listened to it. Sometimes they sang it loud, sometimes it was so soft you almost couldn't hear it. Sometimes they sang it together. Sometimes separately. Then finally on the fourth day Ratchet cracked.

"THAT'S IT!!" Ratchet roared as he tackled both mechs. "YOU TWO WILL BE QUIET!" Producing a laser Ratchet quickly and efficiently disabled their vocalizes. He was so relieved to be rid of that blasted singing he didn't even notice the look of triumph that passed between them. Now maybe he could get something accomplished. Making his way back to the Med Bay Ratchet reveled in the silence. Locking the door behind him he settled at his desk and began to review the medical reports he had been working on when this mess started. He accessed the first file. _'That's odd.'_ He thought. The file had some sort of attachment. Puzzled he activated the attachment. Ratchet felt his left optic begin to twitch as the sound of Sidswipe's voice filled the room.

'_Dies ist die Lied jene nie Enden. Ja es geht in einem fort mein Freund'_

Quickly he searched all the reports. Those slaggers had gone through and attached sound files to every one of them. Every file was of one of them singing that song in a different language

Ratchet promised himself just as soon as he stoped twitching he would find them and make them pay. Oh yes they would pay.

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a/n

Don't blame me if the german translation is off blame the internet. I'm working on another Darkcloud story. It'll be up soon, I'm currently in negotiations with Izzy over some of the plot details.


	2. The Twins strike again?

Chibi TC: "Quick the Femme and the Autobot are gone! Let us seize control of your domestic dwelling before they return!"

"Dude you are like two inches tall. She'll just feed you to the dog when she gets back."

Chibi TC: "Not if I blast the animal first."

"TC if Izzy gets back from Virginia and finds her dog dead you are so on your own."

DISCLAIMER: Nothing and I do mean Nothing in this is mine. The bots, the songs, the giant all of it belongs to someone else.

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The base was quiet. Almost every occupant was deep in recharge, except for the two shadowy figures that were creeping from Jazz's quarters, to Ironhide's and finally to Optimus's.

"Do you think they'll figure out it was us?" The yellow one ask as they gathered up the evidence of their crimes.

"No" Said his partner, stuffing the last of the paint cans in to a bag. "There is no way this will ever come back on us."

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"What's going on Bee?" Sam yawned. "Why are we going to the base at the butt crack of early?"

"For the record Sam, I do not think 10:45 am constitutes early." Bee stated. "And we are going to the base because Ratchet contacted me this morning and said he needed my help with a situation."

"What kind of situation?"

"It would appear the Twins have struck again." Bee said simply.

Sam opened his mouth to speak but shut it quickly. They spent the rest of the drive in silence. As they approached the base Sam could hear loud explosions.

"What the hell is going on?" Sam yelled as he caught sight of Jazz in alt mode tearing around the grounds with Ironhide shooting at him.

'It's the end of the world as we know it.' The radio sang to Sam's surprise.

The Camero stopped at a safe distance and Sam exited the vehicle so Bee could transform.

Over the explosions Sam heard what he was sure was the most disturbing sound he had ever heard in his life.

"Bee" Sam gasped. "Is Ironhide…..Giggling?"

Before Bee could respond Jazz raced passed them. His radio was cranked to such a high volume that Sam could feel his stomach vibrating. That in and of itself was nothing new, the song however..

'She cheated, She cheated,'

'Maureen cheated, Fucking cheated.'

Sam barely had time to process the song before Ironhide came barreling their way.

"OHSHITI'MGONNA DIE!" Sam yelped as Bee scooped him up out of the danger zone.

"Sam I think it may be best if I take you inside."

Sam could only nod as he watched the still giggling Ironhide chase after Jazz.

"Has everyone gone crazy?" Sam ask as Bee entered the base. "What the hell is..?"

That's when Sam noticed Optimus. For two seconds all he could do was stare. Optimus was green. Bright green from head to foot. He also had, what appeared to be, a tunic of leaves painted over his chest.

"Oh Christ." Was the only thing Sam could say as Bee sat him down.

Sam tried not to laugh as Optimus put his hands on his hips and stared down at him. That's when it hit him. Optimus was painted like the Jolly Green Giant. Suddenly Sam's knees gave out and he was curled up on the floor laughing like a lunatic. Optimus glared as Sam tried to get himself under control. He had almost stopped laughing when Jazz flew by again.

'I'll meet you in the red room close the doors and dim the lights.'

'I will be yours truly if indeed the price is right.'

Jazz and his music set Sam off again. Rubbing his optics Optimus looked from the convulsing boy to his CMO.

"Do you have any idea how long this is going to last?"

"Your new paint job or Jazz and Ironhide?"

"Both."

"Well." Ratchet said as he watched Ironhide run by. "I can have your paintjob fixed by the end of the day, those two on the other hand."

"What's wrong with them?" Sam snickered from the floor.

"Between the two of them they have about fifty pounds of sugar in their system"

"Is that dangerous?" Sam tried to sound concerned but he couldn't stop laughing.

"I wouldn't recommend them trying it again, but it should have no lasting affects."

"So they're just going to run around like two hyperactive four year olds on crack for a while?"

Ratchet paused a moment searching the internet for the examples Sam was using.

"Yes I believe you are accurate."

"Ratchet." Optimus growled. "Bring me the Twins."

"Yes Sir." Ratchet grinned as he turned and headed down the long hall.

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"You're sure you didn't do it?" Sideswipe ask his brother.

"Yeah Sides I think I'd rember if I painted the boss man green."

"Well if you didn't do it and I know I didn't do it, just what the pit is going on around here?"

Before Sunstreaker could respond the door slid open and Ratchet stepped it to the cell.

"Prime has sent for the two of you." Ratchet said with a smirk.

The two pranksters slowly stood up.

"I can't believe we're going to get blamed for this." Sides grumbled.

"Yeah if I had been the one who got one over on OP you better believe everyone would know about it." Sunstreaker groused.

Watching the two Ratchet smirked again and began to hum a little tune that stopped the twins dead in their tracks, optics widening in disbelief.

"IT WAS YOU?" They both stammered.

"Of course not." Ratchet said. "I am the CMO; I am above such juvenile antics." He stepped aside to allow them to exit the cell. "Besides how would the two of you ever prove it?"

The twins exited the cell and proceeded down the hall to the punishment that surely awaited them. Ratchet was behind them still humming that maddening little song. The brothers looked at each other. There were only three words to sum up the situation. Only three little words that didn't even have to be spoken aloud. They were both thinking them. As sure as the sun would rise and the tide would flow, they were thinking them….. War It Is.

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Songs.

It's the end of the world as we know it. REM

The Tango Maureen. RENT

Meet me in the red room. Moulin Rouge.

A/N don't worry I'm not going to just leave it like that. There will be another chapter.


	3. Punishment

A/N Ok so here we go with chapter three, in which there will most likely be a super short guest appearance by two of my nearest and dearest, cause lets face it, I love picking on my sister. I'd also like to thank the reviewer who pointed out the flaw in the sugar prank, didn't really enter my mind when I started writing this so let's just pretend that's what would happen. Yeah, so I may have had a little too much fun with this chapter, But hey it's a CrackFic just sit back and enjoy the insanity. Let's see, anything else? Oh yeah.

DISCLAIMER: Don't own the bots or the songs. I write for my own, and sometimes my sister's, amusement. If your amused too Hey that's awesome, if not Hey sorry bout your luck.

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Sunstreaker and Sideswipe were having a hard time controlling themselves. They knew they were being accused of giving him a new paint job, but they didn't know said paint job had turned Optimus in to a carbon copy of a human vegetable mascot. Now that they were standing in front of him, in all his green magnificence, they were having a hard time trying not to laugh.

"Just what do the two of you have to say for yourselves?" Optimus rumbled as he stared at them.

"Um…Ho Ho Ho?" Sideswipe offered.

From somewhere behind them they heard a squeak and a thud as Sam again, hit the floor laughing. Optimus glared at the boy, and his guardian quickly leaned over and scooped him up.

"Sam." Bee said in a hushed tone. "Be quiet."

"Can't…Help it.." Sam gasped. "Optimus…Ho Ho Ho….Green Giant…..Too much." His laughter and incoherent mumbling was still audible even after Bee carried him to the far side of the room.

"Since the two of you thought it would be funny to dump sugar in to Jazz and Ironhide's tanks the two will be responsible for them until it wears off." Optimus decreed. "Sunstreaker you will be watching Ironhide, you will be responsible for any damages he causes. Sideswipe, Jazz will be in your care, you will keep him out of trouble."

"But Optimus.."

"This isn't fair we didn't even do anything."

"After the sugar wears off." Optimus continued, ignoring the complaining twins. "The two of you like to paint so much you can paint the whole base, inside and out."

The twins opened their mouths to protest but they were cut off by the squeal of tires as Jazz skidded in to the room. For a moment there was silence. Even Sam's snickering had stopped. Then Jazz's radio kicked on.

'I'm too sexy for my love Too sexy for my love'

'Loves going to leave me.'

With that Jazz began to transform, music blaring in the background. Everyone stared; it was like watching some bizarre strip tease only instead of clothing coming off, it was a slow transformation from a car to a bipedal bot.

'I'm too sexy for my car, Too sexy for my car.'

'Too sexy by far.'

Fully transformed now Jazz began to dance around, shaking his aft suggestively. From the back of the room Sam's hysterical braying could be heard even over the music.

Optimus stared at his second in command for a moment; then put his hand over his optics.

"Sunstreaker, go and find Ironhide, make sure he isn't destroying anything. Sideswipe, take Jazz." He paused, and then waved his hand dismissively. "Somewhere else. And Ratchet, get this slagging green paint off me."

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"Are you sure you're all right Sam?" Bee said in a worried tone.

Nearby Sam was hanging on to the edge of the building revisiting his breakfast.

"Yeah." Sam said as he ran his hand over his mouth. "I'm good."

"Are you certain? If you are ill I'll take you to Ratchet."

"I'm fine," Sam shook his head and chuckled. "I'll be damned Bee; you really can laugh till you puke."

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"I'm Bored." Jazz stated as he spun doughnuts in the dirt outside the hanger. "Bored bored bored."

Sideswipe watched his charge with annoyance. Between the saboteur's constant movement and the stream of horrible music, the red mech was two seconds from iniating a self destruct sequence. For the millionth time since they left Cybertron he missed Silvershot. If she were here, he had no doubt she would have Jazz under control quicker than you could say Megatron's left lug nut. If she could talk Sunny out of carrying out some of his more than questionable plans when he was over energized, Jazz on a sugar high would be sparkling play for her.

Suddenly Jazz slid to a halt and was still for a moment.

'I'm just seven hours old. Truly beautiful to behold'

'And somebody should be told, My libido hasn't been controlled.'

Sideswipe barely had time to wonder what was going on before Jazz revved his engine and tore off towards the main road.

"Jazz!" Sides yelled as he transformed. "Where in the slag do you think your going?"

Sideswipe felt a tiny ripple of dread in his CPU as he speed off after Jazz. May Primus accept him with open arms if Optimus found out Jazz was heading straight for Tranquility.

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Sunstreaker watched as his brother and Jazz raced away from the base. Leave it to Sides to get the better end of this punishment. He would have infinitely preferred chasing Jazz around to being chased by a hyperactive Ironhide. How bad could Jazz possibly get? The worst thing Jazz would probably do is play that pit awful music all day. Ironhide, on the other hand, was turning out to be an over sized pain in his aft. Everything he saw that moved he wanted to shoot. There had already been several causalities in the local rodent population. He was pulled from his reverie by a stinging shot to his aft.

"I swear if you trash my paint job I'll find a way to weld your head to your aft." Sunstreaker growled.

"Wheeee!" Ironhide snickered as he took aim again. "BOOM!"

Sunstreaker watched as flaming feathers began to fall from the sky.

"Oh for the love of Primus. Ironhide stop shooting the wildlife."

"Ok." Ironhide swung his arm and began firing at Sunstreakers feet. "Dance monkey dance."

"Ironhide!" Sunstreaker yelped as he hopped from left to right. "You Suck!"

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Sideswipe was beginning to wonder if he wouldn't have preferred watching Ironhide as he followed Jazz through the streets of Tranquility. At least with Ironhide there was some level of certainty as to what he was going to do. With Jazz anything was possible.

"_**Jazz"**_He radioed. _**"Come on Jazz. Let's just get back to the base before Optimus realizes we're gone." **_Sideswipe had a sudden urge to smack himself. Just when the pit had he gone from the one being begged to behave to the one doing the begging?

He received no response. Unless you wanted to count the evil snickering coming from Jazz as a response.

"_**I'm serious. We're going back NOW."**_

The two came to a stop at a red light. Jazz still blaring music, Sideswipe behind him ready to push his sorry aft back to the base if necessary. He was so busy planning how to get Jazz back to the base Sideswipe barely noticed the two humans walking past them. The sound of Jazz's horn brought him out of his thoughts. He nearly fired a circuit when he saw Jazz's holoform pop up out of the passenger side window motioning to the female.

"_**Jazz?" **_Sideswipe was growing more nervous by the second. _**"What do you think you're doing?"**_

"So I'm a little curious about something." He could hear Jazz saying. "And I was wondering if I could persuade you to help me?"

"That depends." The girl said. "What exactly is it you're so curi…."

Before she could finish her sentence the holoform pulled her close to him and kissed her.

Sideswipe nearly dropped his transmission in shock. After a few seconds the girl's companion wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her away.

"Sorry luv." The man said. "But I don't think watching you snog some random guy on the street is what your brother had in mind when he told me to keep an eye on you."

"But Sin..." The girl protested as she was taken away.

"No buts kitten, now wave g'bye like a good girl and we're off."

"Sin you suck." The girl pouted as she waved goodbye to Jazz.

The holoform grinned and waved back before disappearing.

"_**What in the slagging smelting pits was that?" **_Sideswipe demanded as he rammed Jazz's rear bumper.

"_**What was what?" **_Jazz responded casually as he turned back in the general direction of the base.

"_**You just molested a human female in the middle of the street. You know Prime has strict orders about traumatizing humans."**_

"_**I did not molest her." **_Jazz countered._** "And did she look traumatized to you?"**_

"_**BACK TO THE BASE!" **_Sideswipe yelled as he rammed Jazz again. _**"BACK TO THE BASE NOW!"**_

"_**Who shoved the mini-bot up your exhaust?"**_ Jazz revved his engine and sped towards the outskirts of town.

'_So help me." _Sideswipe thought to himself. _'I am going to deactivate him before this is over.'_

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A/N There was originally going to be more to this chapter but the story said "Nope I'm gonna stop right here thanks" And no matter how hard I've pushed, pulled and coaxed this chapter just dug in it's heals refused to cooperate. So I gave up and decided to move on to the next chapter. The Twins get Revenge.

Oh yeah before I forget.

Songs.

I'm Too Sexy. Right Said Fred.

Rose Tint My World. Rocky Horror Picture Show.


End file.
